Recently, my mind has been battling my ego for giving control of my life to God versus letting my Ego “Edge God Out” (get it, E.G.O.?).
Let me just state this for the record in case I didn’t say anything about this earlier, but I am a baptized, actively practicing Catholic, and so much of what I put on my blog may be related to that. And no, I am not afraid to put that out onto the internet, because as a Catholic, I should not be afraid of anyone knowing.
But back to what I was saying earlier. My own ego has for so long been seeking to control my life, and make sense of absolutely everything, and only recently, after something amazing happened (another story maybe I will tell whoever reads this some other time in another post), my heart finally broke through the void my ego placed over it, and helped my mind realize that I am not anywhere near capable of God can do, and what God knows (which, by the way is everything), and that I need to let go of my desire to control, and let God guide me to become who I was created be.
When it really hit home, was one night, I was having a difficult part of a shift at work, and I while driving to the nearest store to get gloves for my work (I’ll explain some other time), I prayed to God through tears, to just make the pain go away, just so I could finish working. And then I couldn’t feel anything. My heart, emotions, feelings, just disappeared. It felt like my heart was suffocating and that a void was drowning everything that made me, me.
It was then I realized God had not only granted my wish to take the pain away, but to show me that I had been effectively removing Him from my life by allowing the void to surround my heart. All he had to do was show me where I was leading myself, by showing me what it was to completely forget him, and know only the void.
God granted my wish, and every true wish of my heart, and I never realized it ‘till that night. Several wise people once told me, “Be careful what you wish, because God might just grant your wish”.
Oh I wish, I wish, I wish upon a star…
